There are a lot of things I cared about at this time last week.
I cared about the Golden State Warriors quest for history.
I cared about whether we were picking the right name for my son.
I cared about how many people were coming to my church.
I cared about whether or not Donald Trump might be President.
I cared about what people thought of me and if I came across rude.
I cared about whether I was installing the baseboard in my house correctly.
I cared about money.
One week later, I no longer care.
All I care about today is finding out why my son is sick.
This weekend the church was full, the Warriors lost, Trump won a few states, the NICU is pretty expensive, my baseboard still isn’t installed and I’ve been a little more rude than usual.
But all I care about is finding out why my son is sick.
Why is my son sick?
Is God mad at me?
Did Jenaye and I do something wrong?
Is God teaching us about control?
Is someone’s life supposed to be changed through this?
Is this a trial God is using to sharpen me?
One thing I know for sure.
If you don’t give God your attention, God will get your attention.
He has my attention.
I’ve made the last few months about a lot of different things and only now do I realize how ridiculous, unimportant, irrelevant, and fleeting they are.
I guess you could say I fell into the hustle.
Competing to be the best, having the best, doing the best.
Wanting to do the most, knowing the most, and having the most.
Maybe I fell into the hustle and God had to get my attention.
Maybe He’s forcing me to look at Him.
Even now, I want to look at other things:
The parents who got to leave the hospital right away with healthy babies.
The 60,000 other people in Bismarck who don’t have a condition my son may have.
The anger that rages inside of me because I see my wife hurting.
The foolishness in my mind that wants to pick Avery up and just walk out of that hospital room.
But God is forcing me to look at Him.
I’m betraying my tangible feelings and answers for His intangible faith.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)
Every nurse and doctor who has looked at Avery says, “Clinically he looks fine.”
Then they continue, “But his labs don’t reflect his behavior.”
There’s an odd parallel to faith in those statements.
Outwardly (physically) things look one way.
Faith says things aren’t what they seem.
Outwardly, I’m the most tired, exhausted, helpless, frustrated, and bewildered I’ve maybe ever been.
But faith says, “God knows the answer and is still in control.”
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had obtained so much. I thought I was hustling.
But all along, God has been hustling me.
He has been positioning me for another showdown in the coliseum of character.
It’s not because He’s mad.
It’s not because I did something wrong.
It’s not because He’s mean.
It’s because more than I think I could possibly ever love Avery, God loves me more.
And God loves Avery more.
And He’s been hustling me…so I could understand that.
Now with a little bit of faith, He’s going to prove it.
Faith isn’t a hustle…it’s enduring, persevering, heart-wrenching, overcoming, and resilient.
Test your hustle against these things and you’ll find out where your faith is.